Uncertainty v. Curiosity

“Stop measuring days by degree of productivity and start experiencing them by degree of presence.” – Alan Watts, writer

Seasonal transitions are a reflective time for me. Pining for the season fading away. But also planning for the season approaching. This summer’s transition is a bit different from the last few years. I’m not winding down a market season or gearing up to lead a fall Ayurvedic cleanse. I’m planning my own cleanse, along with planning for family to visit and a road trip south with my husband and dog kid. Enjoying the consistency of a project management job with steady income. There is a slightly guilty feeling, like I’m supposed to be working to grow my health counseling business, working to generate attendance at yoga classes and workshops, working. It’s what I’ve done since moving to Portland. This is the first year I prioritized …fun. And no, it doesn’t mean my business has magically grown because I’ve “let go.” It feels more like my business has been forgotten or is looked at as a failed startup. Not to be “woe is me,” just sharing my feels. And they aren’t always sunshine-y.

I’ve tried too hard. I get fiercely focused. I want to serve people. I need to in some way. What I’ve lost sight of is presence and flow. Yeah, I talk about it. I gotta be about it. That’s what this summer has been more geared toward. And it feels good. I’m learning to let go of the guilt of not providing and people pleasing. Trust me when I say that if you’ve given me any feedback, any insight, any opinion, I’ve heard it. I’ve absorbed it. And sometimes I’ve taken it in more fully than was healthy.

So what’s still clinging from 4+ years of a lot of work and little play? A vision and plan for Rad Root – or whatever its name is/could be. I still see empty commercial properties and think of the potential for an amazing, community-oriented café serving local, plant-based fare. I envision a way to bring in a wellness space that goes beyond food to fuel the whole person through movement practices and holistic supports. (Know an angel investor looking for a fabulous project to fund?) What I feel I offer goes against our current food and wellness culture – quick fixes, short attention spans. How does slowing down, tuning in, and going back to our roots fit with protein powder, weighted vests, and countless injectables? I’m not sure. It brings up conflicted feelings about the state of “wellness” right now. I wonder when the right time will be for people to lean into the wisdom of our ancestors, the long-term goal, the health of the world versus a shot of whatever boosts your whatever.

I'm staying curious. Adding to my yoga education with Yoga Therapy coursework. Talking to friends, colleagues, small business owners. I want to believe that some little nuggets of Rad Root play into whatever comes next. And yeah, it may be in the blog space for the moment. But I think my lack of using my voice has been to my detriment. So hi. I'm here talking now. With you, not to you. I do hope you'll lend your voice too. Thank you for being here.

But don't judge the website. It's a work in progress. ha.